The few, the proud, the vampire hecklers.

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I had this moment right before Christmas where I found myself standing in line at a big box store attempting to stock up on household staples and then thought, “You know what? Screw this. The angels we have heard on high were not like, “Thou shalt spend countless hours waiting to buy stuff that thou dost not really want.” If my joy is being snuffed out by my impulse to yell at the extreme couponer in front of me then I need to rehab my joy level STAT.”

 

Make sure your oxygen mask is secure before you secure your child’s, right?  

 

So I ditched shopping in favor of the movies. Seeing a movie in the theater by yourself is great for many reasons: You have the perfect excuse to turn off your cell phone and be thoroughly uncontactable for several hours. You get to react how you want, when you want without worrying that you’ll hurt the feelings of whoever dragged you to the movie. You get to just be without feeling like you should be checking your email or cleaning the bathroom.

Wait, what’s that, small child? You want to see the movie where a dog talks and then I throw up from a saccharin overdose? Well, SUCK IT. Because you’re not here. I get to pick the movie.

 

Granted, I had not planned ahead. But lots of great stuff was playing like “The Hobbit” and “Lincoln.”

 

Then, DISASTER STRUCK. All the movies I wanted to see were sold out or not playing for several hours so my only real movie option was a discounted matinee of “Breaking Dawn Part 2” that started in five minutes.

 

I’ve read some popular romances but they’re not really my thing. I give the massively trendy ones a shot for the same reason I tried hot yoga and jeggings: everyone is constantly talking about them so even if I try them and don’t care for it at least I’ll know what everyone is raving about. I’ve read “Fifty Shades of Grey,” “The Hunger Games,” the Sookie Stackhouse / “True Blood” novels, and “Twilight.” I’m firmly Team Disinfectant, Team Gale, Team Sam, and Team That Guy Who Almost Hit Bella with his Van.

 

So I was not enthusiastic about “Breaking Dawn 2” but I was determined to carpe the hell out of this diem so vampires having feelings it was.

 

Here’s the amazing thing: it was fantastic.

 

By “it,” I of course do not mean the movie itself. Though all of the close up shots of vampires eye-acting made me think about the merits of eyelash extensions so in that sense I can honestly say “Breaking Dawn 2” was both “thought provoking” and “unexpected.”

 

The fantastic-ness I’m talking about was the moving going experience itself. Partly this was the case because of all of that stuff I said before about being able to detach from the outside world for a few hours when you go to the movies alone. But mainly it was because rather than Twihards the theater was miraculously full of impulsive movie goers who didn’t get to see “Lincoln.” The skeptical, the Bieber fever immune, the snarky: MY PEOPLE. 

 

We laughed. We cried. A group of college kids in the front sporadically wondered aloud if the Voltari actually had a legitimate beef with Peter Facinelli because in fairness it is pretty creepy that he exclusively bites teenagers. A teenage boy to my left kept muttering, “This isn’t realistic AT ALL. None of the vampires I know ever act like this.” The woman in her forties sitting next to me sent a text that read, “OMG, u guyz. No one from home room is here.”

 

It was just what I needed to put aside my holiday angst and get back to wishing peace on earth and good will to men. The world really is a wonderful place full of unexpected joy inspiring things including but not limited to vampire hecklers. What a beautiful Christmas miracle!