Shit my kid says part 2.

Kids are a pretty hilarious way to start people. Which is good because kids are also a really exhausting and time consuming way to start people.

March 8, 2012.

M and her favorite birthday present Maureen Biologist. According to M, 'Maureen Igoligist' is all about, "Solving problems with science. And punching if you do a bad job listening to science."




February 28 2012

Me: "Oh, I see your picture there, M! Did you make that at preschool? I especially like the red part right there."

M: "NO. I don't like that red part. B drew it on my paper and it made me VERY ANGRY. So I got my pretend space gun and went "pew, pew, pew!" and I blasted him! And then he said he was going to play with L and I couldn't go so I said, "FINE. Because you make me VERY ANGRY." So I HATE THE RED PART OF THAT PICTURE, MAMA."

The take home lesson here is inform yourself before you critique the art.

February 18 2012

M really likes cooking shows. Today she has been asking to watch "Angry Jamie Oliver" on Netflix on Demand. Angry Jamie Oliver is Gordon Ramsay.


February 16 2012

I gave M my old disconnected cell phone.

M: "Mama! Mama! It has a camera! I TOOK PICTURES! Let me tell you about them. There's the TV. And there's the TV *again*. And here's the TV. And there's Phinneas. And there's his tail. And there's his tail *again*. And here's my finger. And here's the cat *and* my finger. Isn't that SILLY? And here's a 'flection of myself in the oven."

There are 117 pictures.

February 14, 2012

Me: "Since it's Valentine's Day do you want to read "Elmo Loves You?""

M: "No. "Elmo Loves You" is stupid."

::: Awkward parenting crossroads moment where I have to choose between discouraging The Red Menace and discouraging name calling. Sigh :::

Me: "Look, we don't have to read Elmo but you've got to stop calling everything stupid. No one likes it when you call something they like stupid. A lot of people like Elmo. So how about you just say you'd rather read something else? Don't call "Elmo Loves You" stupid."

M: ::: looks thoughtful ::: "Okay, mom. It's stupid that you like Elmo because Elmo is stupid and you're a grown up. But we can read Elmo if you want."

::: And I've somehow illicited more 'stupids' and encouraged Elmo. Epic fail on both counts. Dammit. :::

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